What My Son Taught Me About What Really Matters

What My Son Taught Me About What Really Matters

As Father’s Day approaches, I find myself reflecting on the quiet, surprising lessons I’ve learned as a father.

Not long ago, I was putting my son to sleep after what I thought had been a great day. We visited a friend who has two kids he loves to play with, and the house was full of laughter, adventure, and fun. As I tucked him in, he looked at me and said something that stopped me cold.                                                                                                                                      

“Daddy, you forgot about the Easter Parade today. ”I paused, then admitted, “Yes, I did.” He looked right at me and said, “What I hear when you say you forgot is that it’s not important to you. But it’s important to me. Can we make sure we go next year?” I was floored. In that moment, I realized something uncomfortable. I didn’t forget. I didn’t prioritize it. I didn’t want to go. What impressed me was the language he used. It made me feel like I was getting something right in this parenting journey. This is just one moment in the messy, beautiful, often humbling experience of parenting. What gets me through it is what I teach my clients every day, returning to principles. So in the spirit of learning out loud, I thought I’d share my current thinking on parenting. And I’d love to hear what others are learning too.

Parenting is Hard. Pretending It Isn’t Makes It Worse.                                                                  
‍I struggle with parenting. Deeply. I can’t stand the performative perfection I see some people project, those parents with curated photos, perfect kids, and matching outfits. That kind of portrayal feels like a stone in my shoe. What’s real is this, parenting is a constant dance between protecting and preparing. We have to do both. But if we want to raise children who thrive in a world that’s constantly changing, we need to lean harder on preparation. We need to parent beyond our own anxiety. So here are six essential life skills I believe every child needs to thrive, and how I’m trying to help my own son build them.

Grit                                                                                                                                              
What it is: The ability to persevere through difficulty without giving up.                                      
‍Why it matters: Life is full of challenges. Grit builds endurance, frustration tolerance, and confidence.                                                                                             How to nurture it: Let them struggle without always rescuing. Celebrate effort, not just results. Share your own stories of setbacks and persistence.

Conformity Threshold                                                                                                            
What it is: Knowing when to go along and when to stand apart.                                                  
‍Why it matters: Belonging matters, but not at the cost of identity. Kids need to think for themselves.                                                                                               How to nurture it: Talk through real peer pressure moments. Affirm their independent choices. Ask, “What do you think is the right thing to do?”

Self-Discipline                                                                                                                          
What it is: Move beyond discipline and focus on self-discipline. The ability to manage impulses and follow through even when it’s hard.                       Why it matters: Motivation fades. Habits and internal values carry us forward.                            
‍How to nurture it: Let natural consequences do the teaching. Support goal setting and tracking. Model your own discipline visibly.

Emotional Regulation                                                                                                                
What it is: Feeling emotions without being overwhelmed or reactive.                                          
‍Why it matters: Emotional intelligence is often more important than IQ.                                      
‍How to nurture it: Name the feelings you see. Teach calming strategies. Never punish emotions, set limits on behavior instead.

Contribution and Responsibility                                                                                                    
What it is: Understanding that you matter and your actions affect others.                                    
‍Why it matters: Self-worth grows through doing, not just receiving.                                                                      
‍How to nurture it: Assign meaningful roles at home. Invite them to solve family problems. Hold family meetings where their voice matters.                                                      

‍Self-Awareness and Agency                                                                                                  
What it is: Knowing your strengths and believing you can shape outcomes.                                
‍Why it matters: Kids who feel like agents of their own lives are more resilient and grounded.    
‍How to nurture it: Ask reflection questions. Encourage journaling or storytelling. Let them make choices and mistakes, and try again.

I don’t have it all figured out. But I do believe this, if we want to raise capable, courageous, emotionally intelligent humans, we need to do two key things:                            
1. The hard work of preparing them for the world not just protecting them from it.                  
2. Learn to parent beyond the boundaries of our own anxiety.                                                      
And sometimes that preparation starts with us learning to hear what our kids are really saying. What’s a parenting moment that changed how you think?

Let’s keep learning, together.

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In all that we do, let us seek wisdom, discipline, courage & justice.

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